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Tonight, I had my first talk with my seven-year-old about romantic love. Tucking him into bed, he said, “Mommy, I’m sad about something, but I don’t know what.”
Mother’s intuition has me reply, “Well, are you missing something?”
He blinks and smirks, but I don’t miss how his eyes water a tad. “I think I know what it is, but you’re going to laugh if I say it.”
My mommy-senses are tingling. “I promise I’m not laughing at anything that comes from your heart.”
Cue quivering lip. “I miss Daniella.” The crush he has for going on three years now, and she’s going to a new school this year. “When will I get to see her?”
“I don’t know. Hopefully, you’ll see her again.”
The tears are pooling in his eyes now, and I know that my tough karate boy is baring his heart to Mommy. My heart fractures, sending my mind reeling back to the first day of kindergarten when I met my 3-year-long crush—I would’ve been heartbroken if my 3rd-grade “husband” had moved away. So I offer, “Let’s pray about it.”
He lets go and presses his hands fervently together and squeezes his eyes tight, a tear leaking out. “God, please make Daniella come back to my school.”
And while he prays, a memory arises of me as a 4th grader sitting at my desk in my bedroom, squeezing my hands tightly together and sobbing as I pray out to God, “Please, God, please have David Casanova like me back.” Remembering how that turned out (he smiled at me from his safety patrol post and said, “Good morning,” as I walked by, and that was it), I tell my son, “Now, God will always answer your prayer: it’s usually ‘Yes,’ ‘Not yet,’ or ‘I have something better for you.’”
Immediately, my son asks, “When will God answer me? Will I hear him?”
I cringe. Even I have a tough time with this one sometimes. “God speaks to you in different ways: he uses other people to talk to you, or you’ll hear him through life experiences, but mostly through the Bible.”
Clearly, my answer has flown right over his head, as it should have. “But will God speak to me? Will he tell me tomorrow?” His tone is so heartfelt, and then his voice cracks, along with my heart, when he says, “How come I can’t hear him?”
My mind is racing down all the past romantic turmoil I had laid at God’s feet and what became of it. Years and years worth from high school and beyond. And in that instant, I was reminded of how big our God is. “He doesn’t just use words, Papi.”
The creator of this mind-boggling massive universe… what language does he speak in? How about music? When the right song plays and it reaches deep into your soul and creates an experience for you to feel in your spirit.
Not with just words.
How about that right moment, right word, coming out of the mouth of that right person? God speaks with time, he speaks with life experience, he speaks with synergy, he speaks with the beauty of nature; he is loudest when we are quietest….
I continue, “He speaks to you in your heart. The Holy Spirit is in you, and you know the feeling of what’s wrong and right? Well, that’s part of how he speaks to you, too. But, the most important part is that you have to trust God. Whatever the answer is. Because he loves you and knows what’s best for you. He knows the future.” I proceed to give him the David Casanova example and another relevant one. “And if I hadn’t let go of my heartbreak from my first love in college, then I would never have met Daddy and you wouldn’t be here today. And I’m sure glad you’re here today. So I had to really let go and trust God.”
He seems to understand, but says, as if just in case, “Okay, but if he talks to you about Daniella, you’ll let me know, right?”
“Of course.”
I leave him watching his requested Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie to fall asleep to (probably not a good choice for said goal, but, hey, it’s summer vacation) and head to my room to dig into some old diaries of mine. His heartache-confession leaves me gazing at my old romantic scars, and from this standpoint in my life, I understand now, completely, why God allowed me to have my heart crushed three times, each one successively worse than the other. All this time, and now God answers my past cry of “Why? Why this heart-wrenching pain of rejection or disappointment or disillusionment?”
Because, now, I know I am a champion: I have experienced and survived and thrived. As Pastor John Hagee once said, “Champions are never chosen from the ranks of the unscarred.” Through this conversation with my son, God pointed at my scars and said, Now, you can be your son’s champion and mentor him through similar struggles. As can my husband. I have learned that God not only answers prayers considering your immediate need, but how it impacts the future version of you, the people around you, and the people in your future.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
Does that mean I’ve peaked in my wisdom gains in the romantic arena? Hell-to-the-no. I’m married now. And that’s a whole new ball game of learning and experiences. But I’m sure, that no matter what happens in our marriage (good and bad), we can use it to help our son champion his own future marriage (if it be in the cards for him). So my takeaway from this for tonight? Live and enjoy life trusting in God that he’s got you. He does pay attention. He does answer prayers. And everything will ALWAYS, in the long run, be alright.
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)